So… this will be simple. Sherri – it’s fantastic you lost 41 pounds. That’s no small feat, but you’re not hot. There’s much work to be done and even then you won’t be hot. It just isn’t happening. If a killer whale is 7000 pounds and loses 150, it’s a step in the right direction, but come on – it’s still a fat ass killer whale you know? And just because that Lane Bryant, relaxed fit pant reads “Size 6″ doesn’t make it a reality.
Good news, movie buffs! Script Shadow has reviewed the script for the upcoming Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis project Black Swan, and from the sound of things it’s going to be plenty kinky.
“Can I just tell you why none of my review matters? Can I just tell you why my review is absolutely pointless? Because in this movie, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have sex,” the review reads. “Yeah. You read that right. And not just nice sweet innocent sex either. We’re talking ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex. Yeah so…this movie is already on the must-see list of 2010.”
Let me just take a moment. I’m (technically) hetero. I only need glance at Jeremy Shockey or David Beckham to prove that. However, Kunis and Portman are the type of chicks that other chicks think “Yeah, if I were ever going to go there… I’d go there with them. We’d have a few appletinis, complain about the quirks of men and how much trouble they are, giggle, act playful, begin a pillow fight and one thing just kinda naturally leads to another. ”
We’re not pointing any fingers at Kelly Clarkson, but we were surprised when we saw September’s issue of SELF. The fitness magazine shows Clarkson slim and trim, even though recent photos of her show a completely different figure.
SELF’s Editor-in-Chief Lucy Danziger told ETonline.com that “of course” they touch up photos to make needed “corrections” before publishing.
“SELF magazine inspires and informs our 6 million readers each month to reach their all around best,” Danziger said. “Kelly Clarkson exudes confidence, and is a great role model for women of all sizes and stages of their life. She works out and is strong and healthy, and our picture shows her confidence and beauty. She literally glows from within. That is the feeling we’d all want to have. We love this cover and we love Kelly Clarkson.”
(sigh)
Where to even begin.
Kelly Clarkson isn’t outright fat, but she clearly isn’t thin. Her weight yo-yos and frankly that’s something that millions of women can identify with. Why not allow her to be open and honest about her own struggle? Let her appear on the cover as she really is – how she actually looks and let her defend it or simply be proud of it. For a magazine designed to instill confidence and encourage a healthy lifestyle, this does nothing but continue to perpetuate a a false ideal. Young women chase a perfect likeness that doesn’t exist on this mortal plane. If the plump singer believes an ounce of what she claims, she will come out and denounce this nonsense.
Listen, girly. Surely you don’t want me to talk about how I nutted early cause ejaculated early and bust all over your belly, and you almost started hurling and said I was gross, go get a towel you’re stomachs curling. Or maybe you do.
An older woman in a small, Texas town woke up one morning, headed down to the Home Depot and decided it was “Make Your Own Racist Sign” day. She posted a Hispanics KEEP OUT sign right above her front door.
She’s most likely a very ignorant person as she justifies her actions by saying she doesn’t want “illegals” coming over. Note the sign doesn’t read “Illegal Aliens KEEP OUT”, it simply states “Hispanics”, which plays into the ridiculous stereotype that every Hispanic person is here illegally. There’s nothing wrong with speaking against illegal immigration – after all – it is illegal. But when you lump everyone together, you’re making a predetermination based solely on race and you are a racist.
However, I applaud her on some level. At least her racism is out in the open. We all know where she stands and can react to her accordingly. She isn’t a coward, only spewing her hatred in the privacy of a neighbor’s backyard BBQ, while fake smiling at Hispanics while at work.
“What’s with tats on t*ts? It’s not sexy or hot. It looks awful and the chicks that do it are never the hot ones? Megan Fox ain’t got no tats on her t*ts.”
Okay then…
every body settle down.
1. Not sure if you’re a chick or a dude – that would give me a different slant on the reply. Tracy is a girl’s name to me, so therefore I’ve decided you’re a sexy, raven haired, lesbian bartender. You work it at a local strip joint, but feel a sense of pride that you have stooped to actually working the pole. You’re better than that.
2. Language – moratorium on the word “ain’t” here at youmaywantto.com and double moratorium on the word “tits”.
I disagree that they are never hot. Teri Polo, Eve (pictured) and Christina Ricci have tattoos on their breasts and overall they are fairly acceptable visually. I’m not quite sure why seemingly attractive women feel the need to ruin their bodies. Nothing permanently painted in that region is making you look any better. Why not just slap one on your neck or face while you’re at it? The female body is a piece of artwork in itself. Is God’s work not good enough? That must be it. Women who get breast tattoos are spitting in the face of God. They may as well be terrorists.
Popeater has photos of Jon Gosselin parading in St. Tropez with his 22 year old girlfriend recently.
On one hand, we all accept that Kate is a freaking trainwreck. Granted, it’s from the outside, who knows what life was really like for the two of them, BUT she seemed to treat him like a servant and from all accounts, he didn’t even want more kids after the twins. She pushed for another go at playing God with artifical insemination and BOOM six kids. SIX KIDS. I guess it’s become ordinary now, because we see them so much, but let’s all pause to think about how ridiculou that is – the human woman had six kids. That would give a Labrador Retriever a run for its money.
Anywho…
… the point is, I think we all gave a fist pump in the air when Jon broke free from that succubus.
But now the tide has turned. Jon is deuching it up at every turn. Not only is it Jon minus one, but it’s Jon minus nine. I don’t know that he recalls having kids. Given their financial windfall, you’d think he could find a home closer to his children (who live in PA) than Manhattan. And while they may not judge him yet, at some point those kids will be old enough to pick up a years old copy of US Magazine and see that while their family broke apart, their dad was fucking a co-ed on bad t-shirt designer’s boat half way around the world.
These two jackasses look like they just won front row tickets to U2. Isn’t a memorial meant to be a somewhat respectful, somber event? On the other hand, they will see Usher and Steve Wonder… that my be cause for a shit eating grin or two.
Jermain Jackson just sat down with Matt Lauer for an interview that should’ve had a laugh track accompaniment.
We learned…
Michael was like Moses and Jermaine spoke for him
The whole Jackson 5 crew was planning to get back together
Michael looked to Jermaine for approval on his written music
The sexual molestation charges were a result of the world not being ready for Michael and his genuis… he was “a gift from Allah”
Umm… none of that is true. You and your entire family, save Janet, were leeches attached to your brother’s underbelly and you’re just as guilty for his (alleged) drug induced death. Slither away now and let us never lay eyes upon you again.
Okay then…
