Good news, movie buffs! Script Shadow has reviewed the script for the upcoming Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis project Black Swan, and from the sound of things it’s going to be plenty kinky.
“Can I just tell you why none of my review matters? Can I just tell you why my review is absolutely pointless? Because in this movie, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have sex,” the review reads. “Yeah. You read that right. And not just nice sweet innocent sex either. We’re talking ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex. Yeah so…this movie is already on the must-see list of 2010.”
Let me just take a moment. I’m (technically) hetero. I only need glance at Jeremy Shockey or David Beckham to prove that. However, Kunis and Portman are the type of chicks that other chicks think “Yeah, if I were ever going to go there… I’d go there with them. We’d have a few appletinis, complain about the quirks of men and how much trouble they are, giggle, act playful, begin a pillow fight and one thing just kinda naturally leads to another. ”
Jermain Jackson just sat down with Matt Lauer for an interview that should’ve had a laugh track accompaniment.
We learned…
Michael was like Moses and Jermaine spoke for him
The whole Jackson 5 crew was planning to get back together
Michael looked to Jermaine for approval on his written music
The sexual molestation charges were a result of the world not being ready for Michael and his genuis… he was “a gift from Allah”
Umm… none of that is true. You and your entire family, save Janet, were leeches attached to your brother’s underbelly and you’re just as guilty for his (alleged) drug induced death. Slither away now and let us never lay eyes upon you again.
One of my trademark moves is to find something people have been into forever, discover it way after it’s “cool” and then claim I created it. So even though this video has 5 million views on YouTube. That means nothing. I’m making this shit big right now.
If moving from this to Chris Pine doesn’t prove out the theory of evolution, I’m not sure what does.
I am not without sympathy – as a matter of fact, I cannot think of anything more horrifying than a plane breaking up, mid flight, in the dead of dark. Honestly, what would be worse than that?
Having said that, why in the hell is Jacques Cousteau hanging out in the wreckage in just a thong? The other recovery crew are in some sort of safety gear and this jerk is just chilling in a banana hammock. Have some honor for the dead Sir!!
Somehow Antonio Alfonseca is just reaching my attention. He’s a MLB pitcher – currently a free agent – who has played for a number of teams, was awareded the Relief Man of the Year award in 2000, was a World Series champion in 1997, has 3 (I’m sure) beautiful children and oh yeah… he has 6 fucking fingers.
Am I the only one who wonders if that extra digit (with no scientific basis) helps in his freaky ball delivery? Everyone’s concerned about roids, but what about additional fingers for pitch control? What about that? And apparently the carpets match the drapes because there’s an extra little piggy toe on each foot.
If he’d been born during the times of 300 they would’ve tossed little baby Alfonso over that cliff real quick.
Somehow 
